Panic Buying in the Age of Corona

Panic buying is something magical; it really brings people together. Peeps crowded together in close, germy contact, buying entire shopping carts full of TP and water like COVID-19 is Taco Bell.

My husband works for a wholesale store, and people have been lined up around the building, waiting in two-hour lines just to enter. They wait in another two hours to check out. Last week, some Karen actually called the police because there was no more toilet paper.

I went out in this mass of humanity to buy my weekly groceries because I am not crazy, and to buy some rice, beans, and pasta in case the food chain fails (because other people are). Walmart was absolutely amazing. Of course there was no toilet paper or tissues (the exception being one roll of Scott...no one loves Scott) and all of the water was gone save the Fiji. Apparently the "finest water untouched by man" is too pricey, even in the face of a global pandemic. No hand sanitizer, no rubbing alcohol or aloe (the Pintrest crowd), but plenty of actual soap.

The woman in front of me in line had four packs of blueberry muffins and six giant cans of pineapple pieces. I saw another man with a cart of frozen dinners, because ain't nobody got time to cook in the apocalypse. My favorite of all was an older lady, wondering through the store, clutching a bag full of bags and a single bottle of margarita mix. She had her priorities straight.

I'm pretty sure we have enough for a few weeks at least, and if you get the COVID, I'll make you some soup, drop it at your door, and ding-dong-dash. Because you're in quarantine, and the plague is upon you.